My Brain Decided to Vomit, and I Saved It For You

I am currently avoiding doing homework.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I know it involves writing, and I don't particularly want to write anything but this fantastic new idea that I have floating around in my head.  I figured out backstory for the main character today.  It made me happy.

Another thing that made me happy in the oh-my-god-this-is-actually-going-to-happen kind of way came in the mail today.  The graduation review people reviewed my credits and I am eligible for graduation this semester.  It kinda freaks me the fuck out.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because it means I have to move on to the next step, and that means making decisions, and I hate making decisions about my life?  Or maybe because I have begun to be comfortable here, and now I can't stay?  Or maybe because I hate change, even though I crave it?

Speaking of cravings, I have been having a weird anti-craving recently.  Yes, I just made that up.  But seriously, I don't want to eat anything.  Obviously, I have been, or else I would be passed out right now from lack of blood sugar, but nothing sounds good, nothing really tastes good.

So, this character that I have been working on.  He is very complex.  I like him a lot, because he is broken, so very broken, and I am hoping that I get to put him back together before the end of his story, but he is so broken, that I may only get to put a couple pieces back together.  But he is interesting enough that he could probably get a sequel.  But that means finishing this one.  And I have no time to write for pleasure, unfortunately.  What I would love to do is take a novel writing class.  Don't get me wrong, I loved writing the short stores in cw: fiction, and I learned more than I could have thought possible.  Okay, so I don't really want to take a novel writing class.  I want to be able to sit down and write my novel, and have someone sitting behind me for moral support and to say every once in a while, that is brilliant, or that is piece of shit, rewrite that scene.

I have gotten out of the habit of using swear words in my for public consumption writing.  My facebook and my twitter are inundated with much younger cousins and other family members who would be all judgy of me.  And I just don't want to deal with that.  So, I keep my mouth clean, and try not to talk about things uber controversial.  Mostly because I despise confrontation.  And also, I have a deep-seated fear of rejection, and even though the most logical part of my brain says, they won't stop loving you if they see more of the real you, the emotional part, which I think I can safely say reigns on high most of the time, is like the lizard brain in the first animorphs book:  runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun at the first sign of disapproval.  I hate that part of my brain sometimes.

I think I have decided that I am willing to turn the assignment in late.  I will try to read the thing when I get up in the morning, and if I have time, I will write about it, too.  If not, oh well...