I have been flexing my writing muscles a lot in the last few months and I think they are getting tired. I don't want them to be tired. And I also can't afford for them to be tired. I feel like I am at a crucial crossroads in the planning of the serial killer story, only I can't see anything else in front of me. Probably I just need to start writing it. And I might if I didn't need to reserve writing time for other things. Like school. So I just keep making notes in my moleskine.
Speaking of my moleskine, I had a revelation the other day. I keep a notebook. I always keep a pen with me and I jot down things that come to mind, but I don't keep a notebook the way Joan didion does. When I read through old notebooks real life is peripheral. What I am reading is a progression of the way my ideas have formed and developed. This is fascinating, at least to me, and potentially to others if I chose to share. And this is where my revelation comes in. If I develop alzheimer or dementia in my old age, not unlikely given family history, I am going to be well and truly effed in the head. I already have what I call a reality crisis and I have a (mostly) sound mind. I can't imagine what it will be like when I don’t.
Reality crisis. It makes me sound crazy. There are occasions when my brain will momentarily be convinced that fiction is reality. On the flip side of this are the moments when I am convinced that if I believe hard enough fiction will be reality. That magic will be real and superheroes will exist. And I am always a little disappointed when they don't.
You want to know one of my deepest fears?
That I am a muggle.
(this got super personal, but here goes)
A couple of questions:
ReplyDeleteWhat makes you think you won't have a sound mind? (Is there insanity in your family, or are you just assuming that as a writer, you should go crazy for your art?)
And what makes you think (this is the important question) that fiction isn't reality? Really, who says it isn't? It's simply a different truth. A version of reality. Magic DOES exist, superheroes ARE real (maybe not Batman & those guys, but as far as I'm concerned, Jesus & Mother Teresa & Gandhi are superheros. Dr Seuss & Mark Twain, too.)!
SO what is you're a muggle. So was Hermione. And she ROCKED!!! And so do you.
My family does have a history of Losing some of our mental faculties as we get older. On both sides of the family.
DeleteTo answer your second question, yes, in a way magic and superheroes exist, but not in the way I sometimes think they should.
And as for the muggle thing Hermione wasn't a muggle, she was muggleborn, and that makes a difference. My fear is that the wizarding world exists and I don't know about it because I am literally a muggle.
i dont really know what to say but this looks like a great blog. i liked how you incorperated joan didion in your post because of the way she looks at her notebooks. you paint a good picture in my mind.
ReplyDeleteRob, I feel like we are one and the same. I too, worry about my imagination being stolen from me through the endless essays and writhing amount of writing responses for school :p It can be taxing to say the least, and for writers such as us who cleverly blur the lines of fiction and reality so well, we foll ourselves, it can be as detrimental to lose our vivid imaginings as it is for Superman to lose his powers, Spiderman to lose his sixth, seventh, and eight senses, and yes, Harry to forget how to do magic.
ReplyDeleteBut take heart good sir! For I have found that writing for school doesn't always have to be as daunting as facing a supervillian like Voldemort. Whenever I have to write for school, I try to make it as fun and as creative as the teachers will allow. I think teachers will even grade a work better that is both informative as well as entertaining ;) Also I think writing a short little fanfic here and there, a continuation of your favorite movie, comic book, etc, will keep your writing powers sharp and bright with creativity.
Also you could NEVER be a muggle, my friend! You are a writer! We writer's are the most apt at the best kinds of magic! With our pens as wands, we create worlds, invent stories, bring people to life, and in other words create the kind of enchantment that even the most powerful wizards would envy!
I hope this has helped and encouraged you, and remember you're only ever a muggle when you don't know what a muggle is ;)
I also am a lover of fiction. Sometimes when I am trying to describe to people how awesome a story is I find it hard to give the story justice. There is a certain element to certain stories that have a feeling that seems impossible to describe. One might call it the feeling of nostalgia, also hard to describe, but there is something more when it concerns a good book, with characters who you have been with for 600 pages for 13 books. I am just wondering if that is what you are trying to describe? It kind of sounds that way to me.
ReplyDelete