I have had a realization. I don't know if I would consider it an epiphany or not, simply because it didn't strike me all at once, it has been rolling in the back of my mind causing me guilt and shame for a while now, I just didn't want to formally acknowledge it.
I am failing at being a writer. Mostly because I don't write. Writers write, right? And if you aren't writing, you aren't a writer, right right? (and school doesn't count)
Anyway, even though this realization was difficult for me to accept, it was also healthy, because it has kicked my ass in gear.
If I want to be a professional writer I have to stop thinking like an amateur. I have to write every day, whether I want to or not, and I have to finish my shit and edit it so it isn't shit and then I have to do something with it. Whether that is trying to go independent and toss it on amazon and/or barnes and noble, or if it means sending it to publishers/agents/magazines/etc trying to get my name out there.
I have to stop treating this like a hobby and starting treating it like my job, because that is what I want it to be. I need to give myself hours (even if they are flexible on when, there needs to be a set number of them) and deadlines.
And I need to fucking write.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
someone that I used to know
Discovered Gotye. Why did no one tell me about him? Actually, someone did try to tell me about him, and I just didn't go looking for him until after I heard the song on the radio. (gotta say that I love The River)
Sometimes I wonder about the people I used to know. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of those people that leaves behind a trail of abandoned friendships and broken bonds. I have never been good at long distance anything. My brain (I speak of him as if he is Other, and not really me, I wonder what that means) has a habit of focusing on the internal to the exclusion of pretty much anything else. This means that if you aren't in my face and saying "PAY ATTENTION TO ME FOR ONE DAMNED MINUTE" I probably won't. I left behind a group of friends every time we moved (which wasn't often, but it happened). And I would promise that I would write, we would exchange phone numbers, and then I left, and didn't look back. Friends from grade school that I lost touch with, so many of my friends from high school. Those are the worst, I think, because I didn't want to lose them. Best friends who between different schools and life choices have lost contact. But we are friends on FACEBOOK, so we didn't lose anything. Right? Maybe it would have been different if we had been connected via social media right out of high school, instead of four or five years down the line. Now, they simply feel like many of the rest of my high school peers who are my "friends" on facebook. I watch them post pictures and status updates but don't really know what is going on in their lives. And I don't know how to make the first step in attempting to reconnect.
I feel like I have been doing better recently. I have managed to stay in contact with several friends from NNU and work, despite being separated from them in time and space. I don't know how much of that is my doing, how much is theirs, and how much is the convenience of facebook.
That being said, I think where this is leading is that I don't want to leave behind another set of abandoned friendships, despite the fledgling state of them, that I have started here in my stay at CWI. If you feel like you might want to stay connected with me, in whatever meaningful or superficial way that might be, I plan on continuing to use this blog, as there is no sense wasting the "space" and I can also be found on:
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/riyirowe
tumblr: http://riyirowe.tumblr.com/
you can also find me on livejournal (not used much anymore), pinterest (used sporadically), or twitter (I am most recently more follower than contributor) under the same username, riyirowe, which is the name I use for pretty much everything. Which reminds me of an interesting article I read once upon a time that talked about how netiquette and net ethics said we should remain the same "person" everywhere, and not continually change names and identities. I don't know if I agree with that, but I unintentionally follow it, simply because the name riyirowe is mine (also found with slight variations i.e. daemon riyirowe, daemon riy, or dae riy--though those are mostly game identities, rather than anything else)
Sometimes I wonder about the people I used to know. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of those people that leaves behind a trail of abandoned friendships and broken bonds. I have never been good at long distance anything. My brain (I speak of him as if he is Other, and not really me, I wonder what that means) has a habit of focusing on the internal to the exclusion of pretty much anything else. This means that if you aren't in my face and saying "PAY ATTENTION TO ME FOR ONE DAMNED MINUTE" I probably won't. I left behind a group of friends every time we moved (which wasn't often, but it happened). And I would promise that I would write, we would exchange phone numbers, and then I left, and didn't look back. Friends from grade school that I lost touch with, so many of my friends from high school. Those are the worst, I think, because I didn't want to lose them. Best friends who between different schools and life choices have lost contact. But we are friends on FACEBOOK, so we didn't lose anything. Right? Maybe it would have been different if we had been connected via social media right out of high school, instead of four or five years down the line. Now, they simply feel like many of the rest of my high school peers who are my "friends" on facebook. I watch them post pictures and status updates but don't really know what is going on in their lives. And I don't know how to make the first step in attempting to reconnect.
I feel like I have been doing better recently. I have managed to stay in contact with several friends from NNU and work, despite being separated from them in time and space. I don't know how much of that is my doing, how much is theirs, and how much is the convenience of facebook.
That being said, I think where this is leading is that I don't want to leave behind another set of abandoned friendships, despite the fledgling state of them, that I have started here in my stay at CWI. If you feel like you might want to stay connected with me, in whatever meaningful or superficial way that might be, I plan on continuing to use this blog, as there is no sense wasting the "space" and I can also be found on:
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/riyirowe
tumblr: http://riyirowe.tumblr.com/
you can also find me on livejournal (not used much anymore), pinterest (used sporadically), or twitter (I am most recently more follower than contributor) under the same username, riyirowe, which is the name I use for pretty much everything. Which reminds me of an interesting article I read once upon a time that talked about how netiquette and net ethics said we should remain the same "person" everywhere, and not continually change names and identities. I don't know if I agree with that, but I unintentionally follow it, simply because the name riyirowe is mine (also found with slight variations i.e. daemon riyirowe, daemon riy, or dae riy--though those are mostly game identities, rather than anything else)
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